


Drunk on the moon

by Melacka



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Dembe is frustrated, F/M, Flirting, Liz is amused, Pining, Red is drunk, pre-Lizzington, very mild angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-26 12:55:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15001340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melacka/pseuds/Melacka
Summary: When she cautiously pushed the door open to the bar, she didn’t know what she was expecting. Perhaps a brawl, or a room full of criminals engaged in some high stakes poker, maybe even a tense standoff or hostage situation. She wouldn’t be totally shocked by Red being involved in any of those things, after all.She certainly didn't expect to see Red, slumped over a table with a half-finished bottle of scotch at his side.Or, Red drunk-dials Liz with some unexpected consequences.





	1. A drunken decision

**Author's Note:**

> This started off as a one-shot but was getting too long so I've split it in two. The second part should be posted in the next few days.
> 
> Timeline is a little vague, as always. Suffice to say that it exists in a time and place free from the inconvenience of daddygate and Tom Keen.
> 
> Title taken from a Tom Waits song.

It hadn’t been a good day for Elizabeth Keen. They had finally managed to track down a particularly elusive Blacklister but had then spent long hours planning and implementing his arrest and then interrogating him. Cooper had finally let her go around 9pm and told her to take the weekend off, as there wasn’t anything that couldn’t wait until Monday. She’d agreed gratefully and dragged herself to her car, already planning a late night of bad TV and cheap takeaway. She was a little sore from the day’s activities and thought that some quality couch time was just what she needed. When she finally made it home, however, she’d slumped fully-clothed onto her bed and couldn’t even muster the energy to turn off the lights before she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

A little over an hour later, she jerked awake suddenly. Her phone was ringing loudly somewhere in the room and she squinted blearily at her surroundings, hoping for a clue as to its whereabouts. She’d just managed to struggle to her feet, wincing at the pain in her back and neck from sleeping at an odd angle, when the phone stopped ringing. Deciding that whatever it was could wait a few minutes while she washed her face, she abandoned the search for her phone and trudged grumpily towards the bathroom. Once there, she thought that she may as well take a shower, knowing that nothing good could come from answering her phone right then. Besides, she felt like she’d been wearing these same clothes for a week.

She could hear her phone start to ring again as she peeled her clothes of gratefully, but it stopped again as she was stepping into the shower. When she strolled back into her bedroom ten minutes later, wearing a clean robe and feeling slightly more prepared to face the world again, she fished her phone out of her handbag and saw three missed calls from Nick’s Pizza.

“Surprise, surprise,” she muttered to herself and she pressed the button to return the call. She slumped onto her bed again and tried not to think about what Red could possibly want from her right now.

She began to get a little worried when he didn’t answer the phone. She tried a second time and then a third as her feeling of vague unease blossomed suddenly into a mild thrum of panic. Giving up on Red, she dialled Dembe’s number, tapping her fingers impatiently against the bedspread as the call connected. He answered on the fourth ring and Liz exhaled in relief.

“Elizabeth?” Dembe’s voice came through the phone with a burst of music and laughter.

“Dembe!” Liz barked and then cringed. “Sorry. What’s going on? I have three missed calls from Reddington and now he won’t answer the phone.”

“Do not worry, Elizabeth,” Dembe said calmly. “We are—”

A sudden crash interrupted his words and Liz clenched the phone tighter in her hand.

“Dembe!” she said loudly. “Is he – are you—” She couldn’t put her worry into words and it frustrated her. “What’s happening?”

“We are both fine. We are at – Raymond, no!”

The phone cut out suddenly and Liz stared at it in horror.

_Oh, come on_ , she thought.

She hit redial and put her phone on speaker, not really surprised when it went straight to voicemail. She pulled out fresh clothes and started to get dressed quickly, hitting redial again. She was just pulling her hair into a ponytail when her phone buzzed with a message from Dembe, the name of a bar that she didn’t recognise. She slipped her feet into her shoes and frowned in confusion, trying to call first Red and then Dembe without success.

Bowing to the inevitable, she grabbed her coat, handbag and gun and stomped out the door. She typed the name of the bar into her GPS and was relieved to find that it wasn’t far away.

_Damn it, Reddington._

* * * * *

When she cautiously pushed the door open to the bar 20 minutes later, she didn’t know what she was expecting. Perhaps a brawl, or a room full of criminals engaged in some high stakes poker, maybe even a tense standoff or hostage situation. She wouldn’t be totally shocked by Red being involved in any of those things, after all. She kept her hand hovering close to her concealed weapon, just in case, but she was pretty sure that this was just a regular bar filled with regular-looking people. Not that _that_ meant anything, of course. One thing she’d learned over the last few years was that criminals could look like absolutely anybody, and some of the most dangerous were the ones you wouldn’t even give a second glance to.

She scanned the crowd carefully and finally spotted Dembe in the far corner, glaring at anyone who happened to get too close. His face broke into a relieved smile when he saw her, and she raised her eyebrows in surprise. As she got closer, she saw Red slumped in the booth next to where Dembe was standing. She quickened her pace, mumbling apologies as she jostled through the crowd.

“Elizabeth,” Dembe greeted her calmly. “Thank you for coming.”

Red’s head shot up at the sound of her name, but he didn’t appear to have noticed her.

“Lizzy!” Red moaned dramatically. “Oh, Lizzy!”

He slumped back down until his head was resting on his folded arms, eyes closed.

“Dembe,” Liz breathed out, shocked. “What the hell?”

“Raymond has been drinking,” Dembe said in a marvellous display of pointing out the obvious.

Liz looked at him incredulously and said, “It doesn’t usually affect him like this, though. What’s brought this on?”

“Lizzy!” Red moaned again, his face still against his arms.

“Reddington,” Liz said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. When he didn’t move, she sighed and slid into the booth across from him. She looked down at the top of his head and wondered what she was supposed to do now. It was dangerous for him to be out in this state, even with Dembe’s watchful presence. “We need to get him back to his safe-house.”

“I have been trying to get him to leave for the last hour,” Dembe said, sounding exasperated. “He will not come.”

“Why don’t you bring the car around—”

“We didn’t bring the car.” Liz looked up at him, surprised. “We walked.”

“You _walked_? Reddington doesn’t walk.”

“He has been in a strange mood today,” Dembe said dismissively. “He had been trying to call you for some time, but I did not think that he was in the right state to speak with you.”

“Friends don’t let friends drunk-dial, huh?” Liz said, smiling suddenly. “So why bring me here? What changed your mind?”

“He wanted to see you, Elizabeth. He would not stop asking for you.” Liz stared fondly down at Red’s head for a moment. “And I need help getting him out of here.”

Liz turned her head to smirk at Dembe knowingly. As flattering as it was to think that Red wanted to see her so badly, she knew that it was far more likely that she had been brought here primarily to help him get Red safely back to where they were staying.

“Okay,” Liz said. “Let’s do this. We can take my car, it’s not far away.”

Dembe nodded in agreement and Liz reached out a tentative hand and placed it on Red’s wrist.

“Reddington,” she said softly, shaking him slightly. “Reddington, it’s time to go.”

He sat up slowly and stared at her through narrowed eyes, obviously confused.

“Eliz – Elizabaa—” He frowned, concentrating hard. “Elizabeth?”

“Hello, Red,” she said quietly. “Will you let me take you home?”

“Home?” he said sadly. “Don’t have a home. Can never find my way—” he trailed off as he lowered his head back to the table again.

Liz looked up at Dembe, hoping for a suggestion or an offer of help, but he just shrugged resignedly. She shook Red again, more firmly this time.

“Come on, Red. It’s time to go.” She stood up as she spoke and turned to Dembe again. “Couldn’t you just throw him over your shoulder and be done with it?” She began tugging on Red’s arm, trying to coax him into standing up. “I mean, his dignity has already taken a fatal hit tonight, how much worse could it be?”

Dembe smiled and moved to assist her, since Red certainly wasn’t any help. They finally managed to get him standing and he leaned against Dembe, blinking dazedly down at Liz.

“Has he paid his bill?” Liz asked as she swept her gaze over the table, checking to see if he’d left anything behind. “Where’s his phone?”

“He paid for that whole bottle, so there is no bill,” Dembe grunted as he struggled to keep a swaying Red still. “I have his phone.”

“Good,” Liz said, grabbing the fedora off the table and batting Red’s hands away as he reached for the bottle of scotch. “Leave it, Red.”

“But it’s mine,” Red said petulantly, making another grab for it.

“We’ll get you another one,” Liz said placatingly as they started to weave through the crowd. Liz held the door open and Dembe stumbled out on to the street. She pointed out her car and they started an awkward parade towards it. “Do you want to drive or should I?”

“I’ll drive!” Red volunteered, and Liz snorted.

“I will drive, Elizabeth,” Dembe said sternly. “You can sit in the back with Raymond.”

“Great,” Liz said without enthusiasm.

She unlocked the car and handed the keys to Dembe, watching as Red tried unsuccessfully to sit in the backseat. She smothered a laugh, thinking that laughter wouldn’t be all that helpful given the circumstances. She guided him gently into his seat and forced his seatbelt on. He struggled slightly against it until he suddenly stopped and looked up at her as if seeing her for the first time.

“Lizzy?” he said in a tone of wonder. “When did you get here?”

She smiled at him and smoothed a hand over his creased brow before she realised what she was doing and abruptly snatched her hand away.

“We’re just taking you back to the safe-house. It won’t be long.”

She closed the door gently and got in the car on the other side. She nodded at Dembe when she was settled and he started to drive. She put Red’s fedora on the seat between them and studied his face. He was looking out the window and humming tunelessly under his breath. She sighed softly and the sound drew his attention to her.

“Lizzy!” he said loudly, seeming relieved. “There you are! I’ve been looking for you.”

“Have you?”

“Yes, I have something very important to ask you.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.” He nodded once but then seemed to lose track of what he was saying. He leaned his head back against the seat and just stared at her. “Lizzy,” he sighed. “Lizzzzzzzy. I miss calling you Lizzy.”

“Do you?”

“Oh yes. _Lizzy_ ,” he said, clearly relishing the sound. “It just rolls off the tongue. Elizabeth just seems so—” He screwed up his face and made a wild gesture with his hands, seemingly lost for words.

“I didn’t know you found my name so offensive, Reddington,” she said dryly. “You can always go back to calling me Agent Keen.”

“No! No no no no no no no! I love Elizabeth,” Liz’s heart gave a leap, “but there’s just something about _Lizzy_. My _Lizzy_.” He reached out and took one of her hands. “ _My_ Lizzy.” He brought the hand he held clumsily up to his lips and Liz watched, fascinated. “I like the sound of that.”

“Hmm,” Liz whispered, smiling. “So, you love Elizabeth, huh?”

“More than anything,” Red replied seriously, pressing light kisses to her palm.

“We’re here,” Dembe said quietly as he pulled over and Liz had never been so annoyed by his efficiency in her life.

Liz blinked and shook her head, then gently extracted her hand from Red’s grasp and got out of the car. She walked around to the driver’s side and watched silently as Dembe manoeuvred Red out of his seat and into an upright position.

“I will return in a moment,” he said as he encouraged Red to lean against the door. “I need to perform some security checks.”

Liz nodded and watched as he jogged quickly up the stairs. She stood facing Red but kept glancing up and down the street warily. This was all too much. She just wanted to get Red safely inside so she could go home and sleep.

“Lizzy,” Red said, sounding contented. “My Lizzy.”

“Reddington,” Liz sighed tiredly.

“Why don’t you ever call me Red anymore? I miss it. I miss _us_.” Liz raised her eyebrows at him. “Red and Lizzy, against the world!” He made a sudden sweeping gesture with his arm and nearly lost his balance. Liz grabbed him before he could fall and they ended up in an awkward embrace against her car. He laughed merrily and turned his face toward hers, she felt her lips pull up into an answering smile even as she felt a slight jolt of nerves in her stomach.

“Lizzy,” he said seriously. “Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy.”

“Yes, Red?”

“I need to ask you something.”

“Do you?” she said nervously.

“Oh yes,” he replied, nodding his head slowly up and down. His nose brushed against her cheek with each movement of his head and she breathed in sharply. “It’s something I’ve wanted to ask you for some time.”

“Is it?” Liz replied, darting glances to the door of the safe-house. She didn’t know if she wanted Dembe to appear and save her from this conversation or if she wanted him to stay away.

She wanted the choice taken away from her.

“Yes. It’s been on my mind, you see,” Red said, drawing one of his hands up to cup her cheek. They swayed slightly at the change in position before Red steadied himself again. “ _You_ have been on my mind.”

“Red—”

“Shhhh,” he whispered, tracing a finger over her lips suddenly and her mouth dropped open in shock. “May I kiss you, Lizzy?”

“Red, that’s not funny,” she protested weakly.

“I’m not joking, Lizzy.”

They were staring at each other in silence and Liz searched his face, trying to determine just how drunk he was. She didn’t think she could stand it if she kissed him now and he regretted it as soon as he was sober. She bit her lip and watched as his eyes zeroed in on it. His head moved fractionally closer and she closed her eyes briefly, turning her head away.

“Not like this, Red,” she said, a little desperately. “Please, not like this.”

“Lizzy,” he sighed, pressing his lips against her cheek gently. “If not like this—”

“Ask me again when you’re sober,” she said, kissing his cheek in return. “Ask me again.”

“All clear,” Dembe suddenly said behind them. She turned to look at him, extracting herself gently from Red’s grip. Liz appreciated that he made no comment on the slightly compromising position he’d found them in. “Thank you for coming, Elizabeth.”

She nodded and stepped away as Dembe threw one of Red’s arms over his shoulder.

“Good night, Lizzy!” Red called cheerily back at her, apparently having forgotten their brief exchange.

“Good night, Red,” she murmured. “Good night.”


	2. A Sober Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She tried not to think about Red, but the thoughts kept pushing their way in and eventually she just gave herself up to it. All those thoughts and feelings that she had resolutely pushed to the back of her mind came crowding to the forefront again. All those times that she’d told herself that nothing could ever happen between them were completely destroyed by one drunken question.
> 
> May I kiss you, Lizzy?
> 
> Liz deals with the events of the night before.

Liz slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning until well after 3am and then waking up when her alarm went off at 7.30.

“Damn it,” she said, glaring at her phone as she tried unsuccessfully to turn the alarm off.

When it finally fell silent, she threw it across her bed in disgust and ran her hands over her face tiredly. She was so used to running on barely any rest these days that she knew she’d struggle to fall asleep again. Besides, her mind was still too full of what had happened the night before and now that she was awake, she was going to have to decide how to handle it. She probably wouldn’t see Red today, but she couldn’t put it off for long. Maybe he wouldn’t even bring it up with her and she’d be able to just go on with her life pretending that it had never happened.

She threw herself out of bed, suddenly desperate for distraction. She’d go for a nice, long run to clear her head. With any luck, she’d wear herself out sufficiently to actually fall asleep when she got back. She dressed quickly and was out the door in 10 minutes.

She was in such a hurry to get out of there that she didn’t even notice that she’d left her phone behind.

* * * * *

Liz loved to run. The air was crisp, the day was clear and even though she was surrounded by people, she felt like she was in a world all her own. She loved the satisfying thud of her feet against the pavement, it grounded her in the moment and she could temporarily put everything else off to the side. She tried not to think about Red, but the thoughts kept pushing their way in and eventually she just gave herself up to it. All those thoughts and feelings that she had resolutely pushed to the back of her mind came crowding to the forefront again. All those times that she’d told herself that nothing could ever happen between them were completely destroyed by one drunken question.

_May I kiss you, Lizzy?_

She shivered slightly at the memory of how his voice had sounded saying her name. _Lizzy_. It had been so long. Somewhere along the way, _Lizzy_ had started to belong to Red. She couldn’t stand anyone else calling her that now, but it just felt right when it was Red. She’d never told him that, of course, and since he had started calling her Elizabeth almost exclusively, she didn’t see the point now.

She kept running, hoping that if she went for long enough, she’d be able to find a solution to this problem.

_May I kiss you, Lizzy?_

She didn’t even know if he really meant it, did he actually want to kiss her? Maybe he was like that with everyone when he was drunk. She doubted that was the case, though. Flirtatious as he undoubtedly was, he didn’t seem the type to lose his mind over just anyone when he’d been drinking. But if he didn’t do that with everyone, that meant that – no, it just couldn’t be. This _couldn’t_ be what he wanted from her. Not after all this time. Not after everything that had happened. It just _couldn’t_ be that simple. She must have gotten it wrong, as she had so many times in the past. The image of Tom’s face flashed briefly across her mind and she closed her eyes to the familiar pain. She couldn’t think about Tom while considering what to do about Red.

Maybe he was playing with her, eyeing off a goal at some distant point in the future that she couldn’t hope to see. She shied away from the thought. After everything that had happened to her, she didn’t think that she could handle Red playing with her feelings in that way. She had long since accepted his tactics of manipulation as just part of his persona, a necessary evil that he seemed to take an inordinate amount of pleasure in. She could accept professional manipulation as an occupational hazard and she could even accept personal manipulation as long he didn’t toy with her feelings. As long as he didn’t pretend to want her when he was really just using her. A convenient, willing, idiotic target for his machinations. She’d played that role before, after all. She wouldn’t do it again. She couldn’t.

Liz knew what the real problem was, of course. She just didn’t want to admit it to herself. She was scared, plain and simple. She was absolutely terrified that once she opened that door and let Red in closer, she would have to watch him realise that it was a mistake. She didn’t think that she would ever be enough for him and she just wasn’t willing to take those risks any more. The thrill of new love and romance had been dampened somewhat by her recent romantic history. She needed a man who wouldn’t hurt her. Red could hurt her when he was kind, affectionate, tender, angry or indifferent. She cared too much about him and so she was destined to be hurt by him. Better to be alone and have Red as whatever he was to her now than risk losing him over this. Besides, she knew that it would be better for her to work on herself before she tried to let someone in again. It had gone so badly last time.

If he didn’t bring it up, she decided that she’d just let it go. She wouldn’t even mention it to him and they could try to go on as they were before. She could be satisfied with that. Not happy, exactly, but she’d get there. If he did bring it up, well–

She stopped running suddenly and put her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.

 _Oh god_ , she thought to herself. _How did it come to this?_

* * * * *

It was nearing eleven when she finally walked back into her apartment. Her legs were sore, and she felt a bone-deep weariness settle over her as she crossed the threshold. She walked straight to the bathroom to have a shower, taking her time to wash her hair thoroughly and let the hot water soothe her aching muscles. When she was done, she wrapped herself up in towels and quickly dried her hair, before slouching back into her bedroom. She thought about setting an alarm but decided against it, she had nothing to get up for anyway. She couldn’t even remember where she put her phone and certainly didn’t want to look at it right now. She slipped into the nearest clean t-shirt and pants she could find and lay down on her bed gratefully.

“Elizabeth?”

Liz sat up with a scream, reaching for her gun instinctively even as her brain registered that she knew that voice.

“Reddington?” she said angrily. “What the hell are you doing in here?”

Red stood in the doorway looking vaguely sheepish. She pulled the blanket up over her chest protectively and glared at him.

“Elizabeth, I’m very sorry. I have been trying to reach you all morning and I was worried that – well, after—” Red seemed uncharacteristically lost for words and Liz softened slightly.

“I went for a run and left my phone at home. I haven’t even looked at it all morning.”

“Ah. Well. That explains that.” Red drummed his fingers against his leg and shifted uncomfortably. She studied him carefully while she waited for him to say something else. If she hadn't seen the evidence for herself, she never would have guessed that he was recovering from a night of very heavy drinking. She envied his ability to appear unaffected by these things.

“So?” Liz said eventually, growing impatient.

“So, what?”

“What are you doing here, Reddington?” Liz said as she got out of bed. She felt strangely vulnerable lying down in bed with him just staring at her from the doorway. She turned to look at him expectantly. “What was so urgent that you couldn’t wait to hear from me?”

He cleared his throat and said stiffly, “Dembe has gleefully informed me that I made a complete ass out of myself last night.”

“Oh yes?” Liz said, amused.

“And I have come to apologise,” he concluded solemnly.

“So, you decided that the best way to apologise was to break into my apartment?” Liz said scornfully, covering her hurt with anger. Of course he wanted to apologise. Of course he didn’t mean anything by it. “And just how long have you been here anyway? You couldn’t just wait for me to let you in?”

“Elizabeth, I am—”

And suddenly she knew what she had to do. She didn’t need his apologies, she didn’t want him to feel bad about what happened. If he regretted it, she wouldn’t make it harder for him. He was embarrassed, she knew that, but it would all blow over soon if they just let it. She sighed and held up a hand.

“Save it,” she said.

“Elizabeth, please allow me to—”

“I don’t need an apology, Reddington. If you want my forgiveness, you have it, but it really isn’t necessary.”

She looked up to see that his mouth was hanging open slightly in shock. She smiled gently at him and decided to press her advantage.

“Would you like to have some coffee? If I’m staying awake then I’m going to need a little something.”

“Well, that would lovely, Elizabeth,” he said. She nodded and started towards the kitchen, stopping briefly in the doorway as he squeezed her shoulder. “Thank you,” he said sincerely.

They were standing so close together again and she reached up to squeeze the hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

“You’re welcome.”

They smiled at each other for a moment until Liz registered their position and looked down, embarrassed.

“I miss you calling me Lizzy, too,” she said quietly, looking at her feet. She sighed and then moved away quickly before he could respond, not looking at him. She cursed herself quietly in her head. She hadn’t meant to say that.

She heard him come up behind her while she was in the kitchen. He sat down at the table and watched her in silence. She took as long as she possibly could, taking a lot more care in measuring the coffee and water than she usually would. Eventually, she had run out of delaying tactics and turned to look at him. He was regarding her seriously, head tilted to one side. She knew that look all too well. That was the look he typically got before saying something that cut right through all her defences. She plastered a fake smile on her face and cast about for an easy topic of conversation.

 “So, what are you up to today?”

“I was hoping to spend some of it with you, Elizabeth,” Red said easily, betraying no surprise at her strange behaviour. “If you will allow me to, of course.”

“Please tell me you haven’t got a new Blacklister for me already,” she groaned as she sat down across from him. “We’ve just barely taken care of the last one.”

Red chuckled and the sound seemed to warm her from the inside out.

“No, nothing like that. I thought that maybe we should,” he paused delicately, and she felt her heart start to beat faster, “talk.”

“Talk?”

“Yes,” Red said, reaching a hand out to her. “About last night.”

“There’s really nothing to talk about, Red.”

His eyes flared at the nickname and he rolled his tongue around his mouth once. Liz felt herself becoming hopelessly distracted.

 _Damn it,_ Liz thought. _This is ridiculous._

“On second thought, you’re right. Let’s talk.” She walked back to the coffee machine and got two mugs out. “You go first. What do you want to say?”

“You have graciously accepted my apology,” he paused as she snorted in amusement, “or refused it, but forgiven me for my boorish behaviour.”

“Boorish behaviour?” She laughed as she took the milk out of the fridge. “Really, Reddington, I’ve never known you to be _boorish_ with me. Annoying, yes. Officious, definitely. But boorish?”

“I’ll make a deal with you, Elizabeth,” Red cut in suddenly, watching her closely.

Liz paused in the process of taking some cookies out of the cupboard and looked at him curiously.

“Just for this conversation, let us try to be honest with each other.”

“I thought you never lied to me,” Liz said suspiciously.

“That is correct. I do not _lie_ to you.”

Liz placed their mugs and cookies on the table and sat across from him.

“So why do you need to bargain for—”

“I’m not talking about lies, Elizabeth. I am _requesting_ and _offering_ honesty.” She just shook her head, confused. “You can avoid lying without being completely honest, we both know that. I am talking about _complete_ honesty. If we make this deal, will you be able to be honest with me?”

Liz took a cautious sip from her mug and eyed him speculatively over the rim. This could be dangerous, she knew, but she also knew that she couldn’t pass up such a golden opportunity. Red knew it too, damn him.

“Okay, it’s a deal. For this conversation, we will temporarily halt normal operations. A ceasefire, if you will.” He grinned at her choice of words. “We will leave Agent Keen and Raymond Reddington behind and just be honest.”

“Excellent! So, we will be Red and Lizzy—”

“Against the world,” she said, smiling and raising her mug. He raised his in return. A toast. A promise.

“Ladies first, Lizzy,” Red said graciously. “Is there anything you want to ask me?” Liz laughed out loud and Red’s eyes crinkled in fond amusement. “Within reason, of course.”

“Of course,” she said playfully. “Okay, let’s start with an easy one. Why did you want to see me last night?”

“I have sensed a distance between us that I wanted to discuss. I’ve often wished that we could be closer, spend more time together. I’ve made no secret of that, Lizzy.” She nodded in acknowledgment. “Now, my question is: why did you come to me last night?”

“I was worried about you and Dembe wouldn’t tell me what was going on,” she said quickly. “Why did you drink so much more than usual?”

“I was lonely and allowed myself to dwell on that fact for too long. I do not usually allow myself such indulgence,” he glanced at her meaningfully, “I generally prefer to take my indulgence elsewhere.”

She smirked at him and took a sip of coffee, she nearly choked on it when he asked his next question.

“Did you want to kiss me last night?”

She paused for a long moment, considering her answer. “No,” she said eventually, and was surprised to find that she meant it. “It wouldn’t have been right, regardless of what I wanted.” Red raised his eyebrows at her but didn’t say anything, so she asked, “When you said that you had a question that you’d wanted to ask me, were you talking about wanting to kiss me?”

She met his eyes fearfully as he matched her long pause and then took it further. She began to grow uncomfortable with the silence and was just about to make a joke to try to ease the tension when he spoke again.

“Yes. I have wanted to ask you that for a very long time.” They stared at each other, neither one moving. “But, as you say, it has never been right, regardless of what I wanted.”

Liz took another careful sip of her coffee and averted her eyes. She was waiting for his next question, wondering if he would ask her again. Wondering what she would say if he did.

“Why did you think I was joking, Lizzy?”

Her eyes snapped back to his, almost accusing in their gaze. He stroked her hand soothingly and she fought the urge to pull it away, to go and hide in her bedroom and pretend this hadn’t happened.

“I didn’t,” she lied reflexively, her self-preservation finally over-riding her temporary commitment to honesty.

“Please, Lizzy,” he said quietly. “Be honest with me. You said, ‘that’s not funny’, last night. Why did you think I was joking?”

“Pretty good memory for someone as drunk as you were last night, Red,” she joked weakly, hoping to deflect the question.

“A good memory has served me well over the years. Now, an answer, if you please.” His gaze was kind but very serious. “Why did you think I was joking?”

“Red, please,” she begged, getting up from the table and going back to the coffee machine. “Don’t make me say it.”

She so desperately didn’t want to have this conversation. Admit to him that she didn’t think that he would be seriously interested in her? Admit to him that she’s so traumatised she can barely imagine someone being attracted to her? Admit that she could more readily believe him capable of such cruelty as to play that joke on her rather than believe he could want her? No. She can’t do that. She won’t.

She heard him come up behind her and tensed.

“My feelings for you are not a joke, Lizzy. They never have been.” She closed her eyes as she felt herself begin to cry. “I am sorry if I have ever done anything to give you the impression that I would be so callous as to treat you that way.”

A sob forced its way past her lips and Liz hunched in on herself miserably. She felt Red’s arms come around her from behind and she turned in his embrace, burying her face in his chest while he rubbed soothing patterns on her back.

“Honesty is fun, huh?” Liz joked feebly, her voice still muffled by tears and her face still pressed against his chest.

“Necessary, I believe. In carefully measured doses.”

“I don’t know how much more honesty I can take,” she said, pulling back from him and wiping her eyes. “But I owe you an answer.” She took a deep breath, bracing herself for the pain and humiliation that was sure to follow.

“You don’t owe me anything, Lizzy. If you aren’t comfortable answering me then—”

“I was scared,” Liz blurted out and Red stopped talking abruptly, gesturing for her to continue. “I was scared that you didn’t really mean it, but that’s not all.” She found that she couldn’t meet his eyes as she spoke, so she laid her head gently on his shoulder. She sighed in pleasure when she felt his arms come around her again. “I was scared that you would regret it in the morning, or that you would lose respect for me or something. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just,” she paused, struggling to find the right words, “I didn’t want to become one of your anecdotes. Someone that you knew briefly and gladly forgot about until you needed a funny story.”

“Lizzy—” Red breathed.

“Red, please,” Liz whispered. “I never want to speak about this again, but you need to understand. I didn’t want to lose you over a drunken mistake. I didn’t want to _be_ a drunken mistake.”

“Lizzy,” Red said, very seriously. “I thank you for your honesty, but I must ask that you never say such terrible things about _either_ of us ever again.”

Liz let out a surprised huff of laughter and pulled back to look at him, still tucked safely in his arms.

“You could never be anything less than wonderful to me, Lizzy.” He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek gently. “If I were ever granted the privilege of a closer, more _intimate_ relationship with you,” Liz felt a shiver of pleasure run down her spine at the word intimate, “I would never cheapen it by turning it into a _funny story_ , as you say. I would never risk losing you or your respect over something so trivial.” He leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to her temple. “You are entirely too precious to me, Lizzy.”

Liz blinked back a fresh wave of tears and smiled tremulously at him, slightly overcome by his reaction.

“I thank you for _your_ honesty, Red, and I must ask that you say such wonderful things _about_ me and _to_ me whenever the mood strikes you.”

“It's a deal,” Red said, smiling tenderly at her. “Well, Lizzy, I believe it’s your turn for a question, or have you run out?”

“Hmm,” she murmured and bit her lip deliberately, delighting in the way his eyes followed the movement. “Well, I do have one more. While we’re being so honest with each other.”

“Oh yes?” Red said, distracted.

“Yes. I told you last night to ask me again when you’re sober.”

“I remember.”

“So, my question to you now is,” Liz said, drawing as close as she could to Red’s face without actually touching him, “will you ask me again, Red?”

“Well, Lizzy, as we’re being _so_ honest with each other,” Red said, running one hand lightly down her arm and drawing the other up to tangle gently in her hair, “I would have to say, yes.” He traced a finger over her lower lip teasingly. “I will ask you again.”

“I look forward to it,” Liz said seriously. “Now, I believe it’s your turn for a question, Red.”

“Yes, and I have one ready.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, it’s a question I’ve wanted to ask you for _such_ a long time.”

“It is?” Liz said, a grin growing irresistibly on her face. “Well then, you had better ask it.”

“Lizzy.”

“Yes, Red?”

“May I kiss you?”

His mouth was already descending to hers as she replied.

“You may.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well ... that got a little angstier than I anticipated. I guess I just can't help myself.
> 
> Thank you for the people who took the time to leave kudos/comments, I really appreciate it. Those little notifications really make my day!


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